Let’s set the scene: It’s a Friday night. You’ve had a long week, you pour a large glass of your favourite Rioja, and you exhale. Bliss, right? But then comes the 3:00 AM ´terror wake-up´ – heart pounding, sweating, and a brain whirring with anxieties about that email you sent in 2014. Fast forward to Saturday morning, and you feel like you’ve gone twelve rounds with a heavyweight boxer, despite only having a couple of glasses.
If you’ve found yourself whispering, “I just can’t drink like I used to,” to your reflection while frantically searching for the paracetamol, welcome to the club. Grab a cuppa (or a zero-alcohol mojito) and pull up a chair. We need to talk about the midlife body and booze.
Yes, there was a time when a couple of glasses of wine felt… fine.
Relaxing, even.
Social. Civilised. Almost medicinal (or so we told ourselves).
And then – somewhere between perimenopause, busier lives, lighter sleep and all those darn responsibilities – things shifted.
The same drink.
A very different outcome.
You’re not imagining it. Although not many are talking about it (it certainly took me years to really admit it to myself!), you are definitely not alone.
For many women in midlife, alcohol starts to behave like an uninvited guest who stays too long and makes a mess.
Let’s talk about why.
First: a quick reality check
This isn’t about blame, shame or ´you should stop drinking.´
It’s about information – the kind that helps you make choices that actually support how you want to feel.
Because knowledge is empowering. And also validating and sometimes relieving to know it is not just us.
The body changes. Alcohol didn’t get the memo.
One of the biggest reasons alcohol hits harder in midlife is simple biology.
As we age, our bodies:
- lose muscle mass
- hold a higher proportion of fat
- process substances more slowly
Sorry, but these are the simple facts.
Alcohol is water-soluble, not fat-soluble. So when there’s less water in the body, alcohol becomes more concentrated in the bloodstream.
Translation?
That glass of wine now packs more punch than it did at 30.
Same drink. Smaller buffering system.
Rude, really.
Hormones: the unseen party crashers
Ah yes. Hormones. Always involved.
Oestrogen and progesterone don’t just affect periods and moods – they influence how alcohol is metabolised.
During perimenopause and menopause:
- hormone levels fluctuate wildly
- the liver becomes less efficient at breaking down alcohol
- alcohol can amplify hot flushes, anxiety, low mood and sleep disruption
So if you’ve noticed that alcohol now:
- makes you feel more anxious the next day
- wrecks your sleep
- brings on night sweats or heart-racing
…it’s not a coincidence. Alcohol and hormonal changes are not best friends.
The liver is working overtime
Your liver is responsible for processing alcohol.
As we get older, liver enzyme activity slows down.
This means alcohol:
- stays in your system longer
- affects your blood sugar more dramatically
- takes more time to fully clear
Which helps explain:
- why hangovers last longer
- why you feel foggy for days, not hours
- why “just one or two” can still derail your energy
This isn’t a failure of willpower.
It’s physiology.
Sleep: the biggest betrayal
Many women pour out a vino because they feel wired, tired, overwhelmed or unable to switch off, that is exactly what I used to do.
Cruel twist: alcohol might help you fall asleep – but sadly many of us know it destroys sleep quality.
In midlife, when sleep is already more fragile:
- alcohol reduces REM sleep
- increases night waking
- worsens early-morning anxiety
So you wake up feeling:
- unrefreshed
- emotionally brittle
- oddly low
And then we wonder why everything feels harder.
The mental and emotional piece (the quiet one)
This is the part that often goes unspoken.
Midlife can be a time of:
- identity shifts
- caring for everyone else
- questioning “Is this it?”
Alcohol can quietly slide in as:
- a reward
- a numbing agent
- a way to soften edges
But as tolerance drops, the emotional cost rises.
Many women report:
- more anxiety after drinking
- lower mood
- a sense of disconnect from themselves
Not dramatic. Just… duller. Less grounded. Less them.
“But I don’t drink that much…”
This comes up a lot.
Midlife changes mean that even moderate drinking can have outsized effects now.
It’s not always about quantity – it’s about impact.
If alcohol:
- takes more than it gives
- leaves you feeling worse, not better
- no longer aligns with how you want to feel
That’s worth paying attention to.
Not to judge it. Just to notice.
A gentle reframe
Instead of asking:
“Should I stop drinking?”
How about we try asking:
“How do I want to feel in my body and mind?”
Curiosity, not rules.
For some women, that leads to:
- drinking less
- drinking differently
- taking breaks
- exploring alcohol-free spaces
For others, it opens the door to a whole new relationship with themselves.
A personal note
For me (Em) a binge drinker in my 20s and 30s and someone who had always struggled with anxiety (often unknowingly!) I used alcohol a lot to relax, unwind, switch off and as a social lubricant.
In my mid 30s I altered my relationshp with alcohol having children growing into young kids – I was just too tired to drink and I only really drank at weekends. But as they started to get older I noticed I was drinking a bit more (well actually I probably didn´t really notice at the time but now I can see I did!) and even after a few drinks the after effects were starting to become quite crippling. Night sweats, horrendous 2 or 3 day hangovers even after a few (or more) drinks, shocking anxiety loops for days after. I was seriously wondering why my tolerance had reduced so drastically and slowly admitted to myself that I had to do something about it.
After various attempts to create new rules for myself, for example only drinking 3 drinks and only at the weekend, I realised I still felt dreadful (especially when I broke my own rules!) and that I also was increasingly uncomfortable about my emotional relationship with alcohol.
I couldn´t escape questions that were sneaking into my mind like:
Did I really have a life that was so bad that I needed to escape/numb from it? What kind of example was I setting my kids as they grew up and would become teens? Was it giving me more than it took away?
Gradually I realised (with inspo from others before me) that I was ready to explore quitting altogether and decided to take one day at a time and see how it felt after a month.
I have honestly never looked back.
Since then I have not had any hot flushes, my sleep might not be perfect, but it is definitely better – as is my anxiety. Most of all I love not waking up with a fuzzy head or body. Waking earlier after a good night´s sleep, plus having the energy to do what I want at the weekends and beyond. That I don´t have to write off part of my precious downtime to feeling crap physically or mentally. It has totally been the right decision for me.
Some years on now, It has only been in the last year or so that I have been aware of how alcohol´s impact can alter for so many of us in midlife. When I learnt this, it has all become clearer. I wish I had known more about that many years ago so I didn´t just think it was me. Being empowered with this information may have helped me make better decisions for me earlier on, despite the allure of a sunset gin and tonic!
The takeaway
Midlife isn’t a breakdown.
It’s a recalibration.
Your body is wiser now. More honest. Less tolerant of things that don’t support you (some of which can be downright debilitating and/or annoying).
However, alcohol affecting you differently isn’t a failure – it’s feedback.
And when women are given information, compassion and choice… they tend to make very powerful decisions.
Often without much fuss at all.
Exploring your path, Finding Your Tribe
If you are ´sober curious´, just sick of the hangovers, just ´done´dry January or simply exploring your relationship with alcohol a bit, please know that you are in good company. There is a whole world of exploration out there including new relationships, activities, fun & flavourful, complex, alcohol-free drinks…..all without the fog.
You don’t have to label yourself if you don’t want to. You don’t have to declare “I am never drinking again” if that feels too big. You can just decide that for today, you want to feel good.
We are building a community here in Spain of women & men who are choosing connection over chardonnay and clarity over cocktails without ditching fun & adventure. Whether you are fully alcohol-free or just dipping a toe in the water, you are so welcome here.
Do come along to one of our events, sign up to our newsletter and/or get in touch with your thoughts, questions or comments below. We´d seriously love to connect and keep growing our small but mighty community.
Em & Lou
Images: Guilherme Caetano, Kevin Kelly, Jed Villejo, Quan Nguyen on Unsplash
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