I didn’t stop drinking because everything fell apart.
From the outside, life looked full. Busy. Successful. I was doing all the things I was “supposed” to be doing.
But underneath it all, there was a quiet feeling I couldn’t ignore anymore – quite a few things didn’t sit right – that combined with horrific hangovers when I hit about 40.
There wasn´t anything else particularly loud or dramatic. Just a few very bad hangovers plus a niggling sense that I felt stuck and maybe I could do something to change that.
It started as a very quiet whisper that I tried to ignore (sometimes with a large glass of vino), until the whisper got louder and I just knew I couldn´t carry on the same way.
So I got curious.
What if I listened to that voice instead of brushing it off?
What if I didn’t just keep on with the same weekend routines and habits?
It felt uncertain. Uncomfortable at times. A bit exposing. After all who could I really talk to about it? It felt like some weird shameful secret that I was exploring my relationship with alcohol. That I might experiment with having a very different relationship with it.
So I decided to just trial different ways of having alcohol in my life, different rules, for example, not on week nights, a maximum of a few drinks on one day, drinking water in between, you get the picture.
Thankfully I could talk to my husband, although I really feared it may also impact our relationship if I stopped drinking or drank less. Thankfully he was supportive and didn´t have his own reasons to keep me staying exactly the same way forever.
So I experimented for a while, until at some point, I just knew. For me, at least, I knew that I just needed a clean break.
It was negatively impacting my wellbeing (especially sleep), my mental health which rippled out in all areas of my life – including my relationships. Not in a major way like arguments or disagreements even. I was just repeating the same old habits and expecting a different result.
So I chose to break up with alcohol.
And that’s the part people don’t always talk about. The beginning isn’t bold or brave or inspiring. It’s awkward. Possibly secretive. Uncertain. A bit wobbly.
I realised how much of my life was built around habits I never really questionned (even if it was painful to admit). I noticed how often I reached for something outside of myself instead of turning inward.
I had to feel stuff again.
But I also could see how alcohol had been keeping me in so much of the discomfort and even making it worse – especially anxiety, guilt, shame. All the fun stuff! I had been stuck in vicious circle.
The negatives had become stronger than the positives, even if it was hard to admit to myself.
Fortunately for me pretty quickly I noticed that sobriety, was not about giving something up.
It’s been about getting something back.
Clarity.
Presence.
Honesty.
But also… feeling.
And slowly, something shifted.
Not overnight. Not perfectly.
But I started to trust myself more.
To listen in.
To respond, instead of react.
To realise I didn’t need always something outside of me to change how I felt.
If you’re questioning your relationship with alcohol, you don’t need a dramatic reason.
You don’t need to wait until things get “bad enough.”
Sometimes it starts with something much simpler:
This doesn’t feel right anymore.
And the willingness to listen to that.
Because that’s where it begins.
Not with a big declaration.
Just a quiet moment of honesty with yourself.
People often ask me, what do you do next then?
This is the hardest bit in my opinion. Knowing the struggle or pain of alcohol but not knowing the what next?
The most encouraging steps for me were listening to myself, but also finding guiding lights on the way – inspiration from social media accounts, books, keeping an ear/eye out for others who also had stopped drinking.
I would have loved having a community available to me or even an individual close by to chat to for support. But those before me that I followed on Instagram, for example, were hugely inspiring. They gave me hope that I was not alone and that living a full life without alcohol really is possible. And actually not dull.
Wherever you are with your relationship with alcohol, we would love to hear from you, please do share below and feel free to reach out with any questions or feedback. We love to hear from you! If you would rather to contact us via email, please do via hello@sobersocials.es
Thanks so much for being here!
Em & Lou
Images: Mohamed Nohassi and Mario Azzi on Unsplash
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